A Trader's Confession: From Losing 400,000 to Reshaping Life

As a content expert in the web3 field, I have thoroughly studied and refined the self-narrative of this trader. Here is the rewritten content:

The market is a wonderful place. It often rewards bad behavior, but in the end, it always returns to the mean. Those who never consider this will eventually suffer the consequences and become humble.

I started from scratch and gradually achieved significant stable profits, setting new highs for my investment portfolio. Throughout this process, I experienced deep surrender, foolish mistakes, and a bit of luck.

My "zero" may be different from others, but the essence is the same. It's not a literal meaning of having nothing, but a kind of spiritual defeat, a complete abandonment of self. I failed in all my attempts and had to slowly crawl out from the dark abyss. Then, I started over.

This is a long story. If you don't want to hear me ramble, you can jump straight to the "highlight section". Now, let's begin this journey.

2019: Entering the Trading World

After working for four and a half years at a job I didn't like, I finally resigned. As a long-term supporter of Bitcoin, I was attracted by the stories of those who became wealthy through leveraged trading and decided to spend six months specifically learning to trade.

At that time, I knew nothing about technical analysis and trading, yet I started trying options and stock trading, even learning to draw candlestick charts. My judgments often went wrong, and more importantly, I had no awareness of risk management.

I realized that understanding market signals has become increasingly important. After 2017, some of my online friends have become more skilled in this area. Many of us became wealthy at one point in 2017, but then Bitcoin plummeted by 80%, and wealth slipped through our fingers. I think it's time to learn technical analysis so that we won't suffer such heavy losses again.

In 2019, I probably had 2-3 thousand followers, mainly cryptocurrency enthusiasts. I entered this field not for fame, but just wanted to focus on learning the basics of trading for half a year.

I have enough savings to sustain myself for half a year, and I can also receive unemployment benefits. So in August 2019, I had the company fire me ( and they agreed ).

Unfortunately, Bitcoin reached its peak in 2019 and then fluctuated until mid-2020. This was truly the worst timing, and I happened to be fully committed to trading at that time.

I started trading S&P 500 index options and stocks, studying charts every day, hoping to earn at least $100-500. In the year before 2020, the cryptocurrency market was bleak, and I only made occasional small profits, but I persevered.

2020: Bull Market "Genius"

Everything is going relatively smoothly. I share my opinions every day, and my follower count has increased. I occasionally make a profit, and my account balance is generally on the rise. People thank me for sharing valuable information. Although I've lost quite a bit of money, I can always make up for the losses quickly. This is already good for beginners.

Leverage trading has become my way of life. I watch the 15-minute charts and trade with 20x leverage until the position reached its highest price on February 20.

Then, the COVID-19 pandemic broke out.

My unemployment benefits have also expired. The plan to find a new job has turned into a bubble. A new virus has appeared, as if it's the end of the world.

I managed to short and made 1 Bitcoin from 0.5 Bitcoin during the market crash. But my stocks took a heavy hit, and my income has no prospects.

Fortunately, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome and his "money printing machine" saved the world. What happened next is well known to everyone. The market soared over the course of a year, that was the golden period of "only up, no down."

What is more exciting than a rising market is leveraged trading. I have some experience, but it is very limited, and I know very little about the macro environment. I only know that the Federal Reserve is printing money, and the market is bound to rise.

Then, FTX emerged, taking us on a "journey" that we will never forget for a lifetime.

I deposited $4,000-$5,000 into FTX, buying FTT multiple times at prices of $2-$4. FTT surged by 3000%, and suddenly I had $40,000-$50,000 in my leveraged account. I had never had this much money before.

I deposited more funds for leveraged trading again because my FTT was staked and could not be used as collateral. By that time, I was emotionally fully invested in the FTX ecosystem.

The day my follower count reached 10,000 was exactly the day the "only up and no down" market trend began. I transformed from an unknown person into a somewhat well-known figure.

In the coming months, despite the outrageous market conditions, my physical and mental health has deteriorated. The lockdown policies are very strict, my weight has skyrocketed, and my daily routine is disrupted. I have almost become a regular on the takeout platform, consuming 4000-5000 calories a day to cope with the despair and anxiety brought on by the pandemic.

Those days were terrible.

But I am making a fortune in the market, able to pay all my bills, and all my assets are rising, so I keep increasing my investment.

I often use 10-20 times leverage. Sometimes I can earn $40,000, and sometimes I may lose $20,000. I also engage in lending activities, trading perpetual contracts for profits, and blindly invest in various emerging altcoins.

I often stay up late trading and sleep until 4 PM. This is not good for my health.

In addition, I also earned a decent income through referral registrations. At the peak, I could make $1000 in a day.

I continued trading with this money and made up for some losses. I took advantage of several upward trends in Dogecoin, SOL, Bitcoin, and various altcoins.

I am just a typical "genius" of a bull market. The market has rewarded me.

On FTX, my highest account balance was about $250,000, mainly thanks to SOL, FTT, and Bitcoin.

Later, FTX reduced the daily withdrawal limit for unverified accounts from $9,000 to $2,000. In retrospect, this might have been the first signal that they were falling into legal disputes.

I withdraw money every few days, but that money is actually still stuck in FTX, and I want to earn more. I calculated that it would take about 120 days to withdraw all the money.

Part of the responsibility lies with FTX's new regulations, but it also lies with myself. Because there was a moment when I did think: "I should withdraw this $250,000 to improve my life."

I could have withdrawn all my money before FTX went bankrupt.

Even after the market peaked in November 2021, I continued to gamble. I was no longer trading, but going against the trend. Even when the market buying pressure was exhausted, I was still going against the Bitcoin cycle.

Every day brings new losses, and with constant withdrawals and losses, my account balance quickly went to zero. I lost two-thirds of my funds on FTX because I forced myself to trade.

Most of my trading career has been spent in a "rising market without declines," and no one reminded me to change my strategy, except for a few who accurately predicted the top.

During that time, there were no good market entry opportunities, only endless pain.

2022: Falling to the Bottom

The situation has gotten worse. In early 2022, my grandmother passed away. With family members gone, the outlook is bleak, and the market still shows no signs of improvement.

A few months later, I inherited a sum of money. Not much, but it is still something. Because the source of this money is special, I hold it in awe. However, in any sense, this money is not enough to change my life.

Upon my father's suggestion, I tried investing in dividend stocks to earn income, but I lost 20% within 4-5 months.

I don't want to risk this money anymore. So I put the cash away in an account that I hardly pay attention to. I need to think, and I don't understand the market at that time.

Until the beginning of 2022, stocks were generally rising, and I was doing quite well in stock trading. My brokerage account balance peaked at $120,000 in 2021, whereas I started with only around $20,000.

Interest rates have been low for 14 years, and I have no idea what I'm doing. Over the past two years, I've made money by going long on the S&P 500 index, so I keep randomly drawing some lines, trying to make a big investment.

A few months have passed. I occasionally short, but haven't made much money. Losing again and again. I also tried to catch the bottom.

In trading, what people won't remind you is that both losses and gains will compound. But the mental fatigue from consecutive losses can also do the same, just like the previous euphoria made me blind to the potential decline.

My demand for income is growing larger, which is leading me further down the path of risk, as I want to recover my losses.

I was trading based on emotions; at that time, I was still very overweight, and the lockdown policies were still in effect. I've lost a lot of weight and have also wiped out all my investment portfolio.

Then I finally hit rock bottom. In that moment of extreme instability, I invested my last $40,000 of personal funds into some call options for the S&P 500 index, as the market finally showed some signs of recovery.

The Federal Reserve raised interest rates again. The market plummeted. Within a few hours, I lost about $30,000 to $35,000.

Looking back, I think I was trying to escape the longing for my grandmother's passing. I attempted to push myself into a corner to feel some pain. Those days were far from easy; it was a chaotic period in my life.

I think I have about 8000-10,000 USD ( not counting personal retirement accounts and inherited money ), plus a bunch of worthless silver.

My confidence has completely collapsed. This is my "zero".

I think I lost more than $400,000 in total. However, I have never done a comprehensive count.

Everyone's "zero" is different. It's never a literal zero, but for me, it means that the efforts of the past few years have been in vain, and I need to make a change.

My full-time trading attempts from 2019 to 2022 ultimately ended in failure.

I have bills to pay, and my money will run out in two or three months. The dumbest thing to do might be to tap into that little bit of funds in an attempt to recover the losses. Fortunately, I suppressed that thought.

I started selling physical assets to pay the bills, and even sold some silver to pay the rent.

I started looking for a job. But I broke down emotionally, and I was a mess. In that state, I couldn't find a job at all. I think in 2022, many of us may have had similar feelings.

My parents had to step in several times to help me pay the bills.

For many years I have been self-sufficient, but now I have to ask my parents for help to avoid being kicked out, which is really hard.

I found some online gigs to make money, barely making ends meet, but this money is simply not enough to live on.

The situation has deteriorated to the worst it can be, which may be the most humble moment of my life.

I focused my energy on going to the gym and thinking about the market. I also temporarily withdrew from social media a few times. I don't know what to do next.

I spent a lot of time in the library. I read many books on macroeconomics, I don't know how much I remember, but it does provide some comfort.

![Trader's Account: How I Went from Losing $400,000 to a New High in Holdings, and My Enlightenment?](